Daily Binks and Bittle

Thank You, Lord.

Sun, 30 Sep 2012 21:10:08 -0400

Binks insisted on saying grace before dinner tonight. After thanking God for Phillip being alive, she thanked him for the awesome new car that Bittle got, because she loves it.

I am just thankful for my family. With whom all things are possible.

Bon Voyage Binks!

Sun, 26 Aug 2012 12:49:22 -0400

So Paula and Binks and Melissa are off to the shore for a week. When asked it I could go, Binks responded with, “No, Bittle. You go be funny somewhere else.”

So here I am.

It’s probably for the best anyway. I never really did well on vacation car rides. I blame Janet. What is it with mothers, that makes them pissed off, ten minutes into vacation.

“I will turn this car around!”

We believed her too. We were stupid kids. We didn’t know anything about non-refundable deposits or reservations. She was a scary bitch, and we were terrified. I remember looking at the younger kids and saying, “Shut up, she’ll do it!” Because none of us had any faith that my stepfather was going to stop her.

One year, we were going to Disney World on a plane. And she looked right at us and said, “I will tell the pilot to turn this plane around!”

Grown men in business suits turned around in their seats with fear in their eyes, and begged us to behave, because they believed her, and didn’t want to miss their connections in Atlanta.

When I was like 9, she decided to plan a fake vacation. We packed up the whole car, got everything ready, got on the road…

She let my stepfather drive for about a half hour before she threatened to “turn the car around”. And then she did. And we CRIED! For like, 5 hours straight, until we couldn’t cry anymore, and then we made that pathetic wimpering noise that you make as kids when you just can’t cry anymore. You know what I’m talking about. But from that day forward, we were scared to death of “I will turn this car around.”

So, have a good time Binks. Behave, don’t give mommy a hard time. Or I will send Grandma Janet down there, and she will turn your car around!

Binks to the rescue!

Sat, 04 Aug 2012 15:10:25 -0400

So, checking my oil before I leave Hilltown last night, and I set the cap on my rad support like a dumbass, and then watched helplessly as it slid down and fell behind my grille, rolled under my radiator, and disappeared out of sight.

And since my car has a solid encapsulation panel, there was no getting to it from underneath. Finally managed to hit the brakes so hard in the driveway that I got it to slide out from under the radiator, but still had no way to get to it. After thirty minutes, just being able to see it was a victory.

Binks decided she was going to help, and after failing with a wire hanger, I finally just decided to pop the rivets on my grille, and pull the damn thing off. Well, the best I could do was pry it open (it was metal riveted to the frame) and let Binks get her skinny arms in there until she got it.

And all this after we sat in my car with no AC for two and a half hours in traffic and drove in circles looking for a Wawa to get Paula a smoothie. It wasn’t bad though. We had a nice heart to heart on the ride. Talked about the drama in her life, and the drama in mine. It was nice to have that family feeling again, if only for a little while.

Gonna try to take her to see Carbon Leaf on Tuesday. I think she’ll like it. Or, I hope she’ll like it. Pics from the show to follow!

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Fri, 03 Aug 2012 15:01:22 -0400

Or, as Binks calls it, 80hd.

So, this week has been the culmination of a year's worth of shortcomings, oversights, and mistakes. And while I am gracious enough to accept that it is mostly my fault, what I am not willing to concede is the plethora of cliches that people like to lob at you in times like these.

For the record: There aren't other fish in the sea. I knew what I had without having to lose it. And anybody who loves something and sets it free is a fucking moron.

Needless to say, things with Binks and I haven't been perfect either. Much as I love her, we have our growing pains. Good days and bad days, and even a few really bad days. She's a good kid. She makes bad decisions. Who didn't at 13?

I remember quite well, what it was like to be her age. How you always had to see just how many fights you could win. I won my fair share. And so does she.

But it's time for her to get a first hand look at the difference between what you can win, and what you should fight for. Because as Michael J. Fox said to Michael Douglas in the American President, "You don't just fight the fights you can win. You fight the fights that need fighting."

Bittle is the fish out of water.

Sat, 14 Jul 2012 15:17:21 -0400

Bittle is the fish out of water.

If I have to suffer your singing, you have to suffer the...

Sat, 21 Apr 2012 19:21:11 -0400

If I have to suffer your singing, you have to suffer the embarassment of it being online.

Happy Easter!

Sat, 07 Apr 2012 23:12:12 -0400

Happy Easter!

2 Hour Delay

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 18:20:27 -0500

So Binks got to go into school late today because there was a dusting on the ground. However, Paula woke her up normal time, and she didn’t find out there was a delay until after she had straightened her hair, so she just sat on her bed for two hours. It was really kinda sad.

I offered to make her breakfast, which she said she wanted. I then told her that I could make her eggs or french toast, to which she told me that she wasn’t really hungry after all.

As I was pulling out of the drive way, she came running out of the house to flag me down. Apparently Mommy forgot to sign her report card, and she asked me if I would do it for her. I felt so adult. After all the report cards I “unofficially” signed in my youth, I finally got to sign one “officially”.

I love you Binks.

She had dumps like a truck truck truck...

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 23:11:43 -0500

Poor Binks. She and her friend needed a ride home tonight. Had she known that The Thong Song by Sisqo would come on, she might have walked. Daddy is so embarrassing.

Binks wants Sweet and Sour Chicken.

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 19:28:41 -0500

Apparently it’s Chinese New Year. I’m the one white guy in a room packed with reveling Chinese people. Lemme get a Tsingtao.

Bwahahahaha!

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 12:06:25 -0500

Bwahahahaha!

A month and a half of Binks!

Mon, 05 Dec 2011 12:00:31 -0500

It’s been brought to my attention (Thank you, Trindle Girls) that some of you are going through Binks withdrawl. I understand. There are times that I too suffer from this deprivation, though given the fact that she ain’t your kid, I’m guessing you think she’s infinitely cuter than she in fact is. Oh sure…you see pictures and everything’s “aww…”. Whatever. You know why she’s so cute in all the pictures? Because she’s happy. Try to get a picture of her when she isn’t happy. If you can hold the camera still while she tries to claw your eyes out, I’d love to see it.

Anywho and whatfor, the last forty-five days or so have been rough. I won’t go into the details, because everyone has problems, but I just haven’t had the time to update here as often as I’d like. So let me catch you up!

The day after the Great October Snow of 2011, the Binks and I decided that we would just get in the car and drive, to see what there was to see. Q-Mart didn’t really appeal to her, and I wasn’t willing to go to Dorney Park, like she wanted. So we just went up 309 North until we hit The Promenade @ Saucon Valley.

Binks: “You should be glad that I’m only spending nine dollars on this tanktop. You’re getting off light.”

Bittle: “OK, first off, -I’m- spending nine dollars on that tanktop. Second, if this is how things are going to go, they should just change the name of this store to in-Justice.”

I really don’t know if it’s all kids today that have this sense of entitlement, or just my kid. Or possibly, if other kids had this sense of entitlement when I was younger, and I just wasn’t allowed to have it. I mean, when I was your age (yes, I’m talking to you Trindle Girls) if I had told my mom I was doing her a favor by only spending nine dollars of her money, she’d have handed me my ass while asking me if I thought we had a money tree in the backyard.

I let her slide though, because the nine dollar tanktop was forty percent off (as was everything in the store, though I didn’t tell her that, and boy was she pissed when she found out), and because she looks so cute when she’s wearing my jacket. But it was all good, because we ended up going over to Color Me Mine, where I spent considerably more money on a ceramic dragon piggy bank.

This, by the way, is infinitely cooler than clothes shopping. Mostly, because it makes me feel good to have moments with Binks were it feels like she’s still a kid. She tries so hard to act so grown-up all the time. In fact, she asked me the other day for something, and I told her to ask Santa. When she told me that she didn’t believe in Santa anymore, I told her that her ass better start believing in Santa again. At least for one year. Cause it was probably the last shot I was gonna have at this.

I’m not even going into the details of the day that this picture was taken. Suffice it to say, it involved a flat tire, ice cream, Tim Tebow, and a trip to the clinic at Walgreens to get Binks a physical for cheerleading. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s as awkward for her as it is for me. I mean, Paula and I haven’t been together long enough for me to have any kind of idea about Binks’ medical history, let alone her family’s. And for the love of Christ kid, know when your last period was! When the doctor asks, you shouldn’t be looking at me for help! You’re moody any time you don’t get what you want. That’s like 28 days out of 28! How am I supposed to know which 5 of those 28 you were actually having your period? Goof.

And don’t ask me why she looks so deathly pale. I have no idea. She didn’t even want a picture taken. But what she did want was headbands, so we negotiated a trade.

Oh well. I have updated pics of Binks’ dragon. I’ll get them posted soon. Christmas is coming, and I’m sure I’ll have a lot more to report.

Til then, y’all enjoy your holidays.

That’s my shirt. Wearing it doesn’t make you less...

Tue, 18 Oct 2011 14:55:44 -0400

That’s my shirt. Wearing it doesn’t make you less wrong.

When Kids forget to Log Out...

Thu, 13 Oct 2011 19:13:28 -0400

“Hi, Rianna is at cheer practice. You’ve reached her father. Please leave a message at the sound of the gunshot.”

Just another "Nevermind, Binks." moment.

Thu, 13 Oct 2011 18:56:57 -0400

Have I become so old, I wonder? Or do I just come from a place that no longer exists? Hmmm…Shortlist.

People who can REALLY never go home again:

Kal El
Hal Jordan
Princess Leia
Spock
Lobo

Sorry. Off Topic.

So, I just dropped Binks off at Cheer Practice, and was told matter of factly, “Make sure you’re back by 8.”

“Don’t worry, Binks. I’ll be here with bells on.”

“Huh? Why?”

“Nevermind, Binks.”

Om nom nom nom.

Thu, 29 Sep 2011 12:42:17 -0400

Om nom nom nom.

It's called club soda, Binks, but anyone can drink it.

Sat, 10 Sep 2011 14:50:15 -0400

Football game today. Binks and I are solo with Paula stuck at work. Field is an hour away at King of Prussia, and thank The Maker it was.

Binks is in the passenger seat fussing about something.

Bittle: “What’s the matter, Binks?”

Binks: “Coach Kim is gonna yell at me.”

Bittle: “Why?”

Binks pops her cheer top and I notice that it’s covered in stains. Apparently, it didn’t get washed during the week, and last Saturday’s pushups took a toll on the bright white fabric.

So I pull into the A Plus, and run inside for supplies. You should have seen the look on her face when I came out with a bottle of club soda and Dawn dish washing soap.

She really wasn’t much help at first, but 3 red lights later, I had her scrubbing away. 5 minutes after that, she stared at the white top in amazement.

Binks: “How did you learn to do that?”

The answer to that brings a smile to my face.

Bittle: “I might be a daddy by choice, Binks, but I’m awesome by birth.”

Btb, Binks no likey the tastey of club soda.

That's what I like about you!

Sat, 10 Sep 2011 10:44:15 -0400

So I’m crashing out with Paula on the sofa the other night, while Binks is across the room doing homework. Paula is running fingers through my hair and telling me how soft it is.

Bittle: “Yeah well, that’s what Pert for Men will do for you.”

Paula: “No, seriously, it’s one of the things I like best about you.”

At this point Binks turns to see what’s going on (and silly me for not immediately telling her to finish her homework), so I decide to take a poll.

Bittle: “What about you, Binks? What do you like best about me?”

Binks: (without missing a beat) “Your butt.”

Great. I’ve got a 12 year old perve checking me out, while her mom giggles hysterically. At least I had the decency to blush.

Please, go the f*** to sleep… …or we will make you.

Thu, 01 Sep 2011 13:00:54 -0400

Please, go the f*** to sleep…

…or we will make you.

When your newborn is a dozen years old...

Mon, 29 Aug 2011 15:54:25 -0400

…you wonder sometimes if the people around you who have always been parents take their lives for granted. If you’d have asked me 10 years ago what my child’s first day of school would be like, I probably would have painted a picture that involved pigtails, holding her hand until the bus came, checking her backpack to make sure her 8-pack of crayola crayons was in there…pretty common stuff.

But when your shared first day of school comes when your child is 12, it’s a whole new list of sensations and feelings. I’m not gonna lie, it was pretty tough. But rewarding too. Part of being twelve, is that awkward transition from child to teen that makes the kid want to be fiercely independent. And I would imagine that when you’ve come to lean on only one parent for so long, that it makes it even more difficult to look vulnerable to anyone but them. So it was, that I couldn’t help but feel a little tightness in my chest when I saw how nervous she was while waiting for the bus. And for good reason. First day of Jr. High. New School District. No friends. I’d be scared too.

And what doesn’t help is that the kids up there have already been in Jr High for a year now. So poor little Binks, who had 6th grade at the Elementary School, is asking me all sorts of nervous questions in the hopes of not looking like a rookie. “So, I turn the lock to the right to clear it. Then right for the first number? Then left past the first number, then right again?”

Yeah. That’s right Binks.

And then this morning, waiting for the bus…

And you can only tell her it will be alright so many times. You still worry about her though…

But there are good things too. Like the smile you get when she gets the new sneakers she wants. Or the importance you feel the first time you’re asked for lunch money. That kinda stuff.

Hmmm…3:25. She should be home. Let’s give her a call.

Sooo…according to Binks, she’s made friends, got her locker open, and everything is peachy. Hard to say for sure…she’s a good liar. But I’ll take her word on this one. She makes friends easy. And I’m glad. I love my Binks.

Like I told Paula the other night. I missed 12 years of firsts. It’s nice to finally be a part of some.